Hello everyone, first i want to say that i’m going to write this in english. i’m sorry for my broken english because however i feel more comfortable write this in english. it’s not like i’m showing off because my english is poor though hahaha. second, i want to greet you for a long hiatus as a blog writer i hope u all still enjoy reading my blog🙂. my blog is about my collage things before but i want to start write something as i graduated.
As u see the unusual title this time, i want to recall and share about my love life (idk is it a good theme or not xD). well maybe it will be boring if i write all of my love life till now but don’t worry hahaha i’ll just share about the most memorable love that happened in my life, my ‘first love’ and my ‘second love’.
Before i start to tell u all, i want to say this “if u loved someone in the past n gave up on him the moment u met him again after that was like u met someone that just walked n passed after u in 3 secs..” if u know what i mean is past is past.. i respect my past but impossible for me to start something new from my past so i’ll just share it without write any names or initial of someone ^^My First Love…
how to tell this most beautiful thing that happened in my life for the first time, it was innocent love, it was so pure that happened in my elementary school era. not like adults complicated love life that considered of selfish, ego, or about give and take it’s more like.. idk how to describe it. he was like my brother, that take care of me a lot but sometimes make me cried a lot too. he was my guardian, that himself was full of mysterious tings that i still don’t know what is it. the questions like “why is he so kind , no he is too kind”, ” he care but cold but then he turns to be the most protective one” which made me relied to him so much. i cried whenever he turned his face, i cried whenever he didn’t get me, i cried when he careless a bit to me. i creid a lot since i knew him. then he really faded from my sight. and finaly he was gone. idk where he is now. since our graduation i never met him anymore. 2 months he gave me spoilers that he will gone but all i did nothing till that day came. however he’s still my big question the endless “why” in my life that still unknown.
i regret my self to not say how i feel (ofc i am bc that time i was an elementary student that know nothing about confession). everyone has their first love. everyone said it’s only time that can heals the pain of your memory about your first love. but for me..my fist love is the most painful one, the most beautiful one, the most unforgotable one, the most precious one that will be so hard to heals just by time. i keep living my life normally, i’m a busy woman i’ve a lot things to do but.. however i still remember him, still regret n blaming my self, still longing his exsistence. that was my fist love.
My Second Love..
“second love” for me is not happen right after my fist love, i’ve fallen in love to many guys after my first love but i didn’t call it love. it’s so rare to meet someone that u REALLY love . someone that make u thing ” i can’t be able to see this person loving someone else”, “i will do everything to be together with him”, “i dedicate my all to him”.and the one who made me having thoughts like that were my fist love n my second love that i met in my senior high school. unlike my fist love, my second love begun as adults love. it’s complicated enough, painfull enough, considered give and take enough like adults people do.
it happened when we’re a freshman. i saw thim thru the school office windows he was at parking school area. we never met before, i still didn’t know him but something inside me was awake. something that make my heart flutter i’ve never felt like this since the last time i felt it for my first love. like a fate i happened to met him often. we took the same club, till we took the same class and other school activities coincidentally. from the first time i saw him, i happened to know him, i met him often, i always felt like he was so far away. so, sometimes i got excited yet worried to my self. i was afraid if i will get hurt. he was so bright like a sun that i can’t be able to see him, if i so, i’ll blind n hurt my self. but then i realized that what love is. love is not about brings happiness but sadness too so i let my heart opened. i also felt his warmth personality that make me can’t believe my self to run away anymore. i forgot to not fell deeper to him. but that was me that so pure, shy keep acted like normal person even thought i felt excited around him like i’m dying but i hide it.
one day i found that he already has a girlfriend n having affair with our classmate. that was the hardest thing for the first time in my life that i felt. my world feels like collapsed. my life ended. my heart torn apart and it was so painfull. i can’t even faced him. i mad but idk as whom i mad. i was nobody. i was not his friend though. i was nothing.
i tried to moved on but like a fool i just hurt my self by did that. it was so hard for me to turn my face whenever he saw my face. i cried alone. idk if he knows my heart toward him but i didn’t care i was hurt A LOT. that was the hardest time for me till our graduation i want o dissapear from his sight. if i listened to my self to not open my heart it won’t be like this. i just want to ran away that time. after our graduation i start my new life in collage. and something worst happened. i found we were in the same collage. WE (me, my second love, and my second love’s lover). i won’t called it fate anymore. i brought me a deep trauma. whenever i accidently met him, he always together with her. he smiled i troubled my self to turn my face acted like i didn’t see him. that was happened several times until he noticed something happened to us. and then when i saw him after that he turned his face first. it was more than torn apart for me u’ll never know how painfull was it.
idk what happened to him after that we never met anymore even in campus. but one day his girlfriend added my socmed. i won’t be loser for the 2nd times so i accepted it. everyday my phone received her updated and most of it was her photos with him dating. after few days i found that he added mine too. i was like “can u guys just go away from my life pls” but can’t help i accepted it like a fools. tons of updates of their lovey dovey relationship i got. my friend said he’s a bad boy that played around with girls but my feels was so deep towards him. i knew his gf was had a hard time too but none knows my heart, it just me that knew how painfull was that. so i decided to delete my account after had a battle with my self after i thought about it more than 1000000 times, after i tired my self with meaningless feels. i let go of him, let go my feels. let go of him was burned him away forget him forever even though we acctidently met by chance, no matter what happened i’ll consider him as my past since i throw away my feels. my love. that was my second love
maybe you asking “how could u write this? how if one of them read this or his girlfriend found n read this?”. one thing, my second love was ended there’s no sequel about it. it truly ended. but for my first love. u can’t compare it with my second love because it was deeper n i still can’t forget him by the way till now :’) . it’s not like i hate my second love. he brought happiness to me even though all i got till the end was painfull but i respect people that come n go. my second love is still a sun that shines soooooo bright to me.. he still meaning a lot. i hope he’ll be happy wherever he is, whoever he be.
like the picture above, love is like that, sorrowful yet beaufitul..🙂